Break ups can be painful, but they can also pave the way to a better understanding of ourselves, and help us become better individuals. Here are five very important questions that we need to ask ourselves when we hit a roadblock with that inevitable break up.
Is there life after a break up? Can one trust again? Is love real, or is it a myth? What does one need to do to ensure that lady luck, read cupid, smiles on us? These are only some of the questions that we could ask ourselves after a painful split. But once we come to terms with the reality, it is time to take stock of the situation, and reassess the options.
This is also the time to decide to leave the past behind, while we look at the best course of action. Interestingly, life always gives us myriad options, even though at this point of time we may not be able to see many of them, because of the cloud of gloom and self doubt that seems to hang over us.
On a positive note, this is also the best time to take stock, and assess the damage before venturing to the next step. The best action is to take responsibility for what has happened. Assume that you were the one who played the key role in what has happened. Look at this from a logical, rather than from an emotional point of view. The trick here is to imagine that you are looking at your situation through the eyes of a friend, or a counselor.
Be objective, and things will start to look a lot clearer. By seeing this situation as a case study, you will gain a lot of information that you would not be privy to, had you looked at it from an emotional standpoint.
There are five questions that would be able to help you get a deeper understanding about yourself, and the role you played in the relationship.
Question 1. What was your partner’s favorite grouse against you?
This is one of the best benchmarks of a breakup. Life, almost always, gives us adequate warnings before it strikes out at us. What was your partner cribbing about, most often? If you had to correct your behavior and attitude, would that have helped repair the relationship?
Further, do check whether this is something that has been mentioned by other people as well, at home, or in the office. If other people have been cribbing about a similar thing to you, then you should make up your mind to rectify the aberration before it affects some other aspect of your life. Why lose out on your other relationships too?
Question 2. Is there any weakness of yours that could have contributed to the break up?
This is another area of your life that you will want to work on, since this weakness has been noted by you, and is not something pointed out by an external source. If you can make the necessary change in your personality, then this would be the best way forward. However, if the change requires some external help, you could enlist the help of one of your trusted friends, or family members.
If this is difficult, do not hesitate to approach a recommended counselor. Reading books or articles about your situation and how you could handle life better, will also help you come out of the situation with wisdom rather than with animosity.
Question 3. Do you possess any overbearing strength that could have added to your predicament?
We often overlook strength as a possible contributor to our downfall. But, this can also be seen as being a major cause of failure, both in the professional and well as the personal world. For example, being a stickler for detail could be considered a sign of perfection. But it could also be considered a nagging habit that few would be able to sustain on a medium to long term basis. Being too loving, could also be considered to be too dominating, or being restrictive to the freedom of others.
Every relationship appreciates a certain amount of space, and though relationships view the constant connection as a sign of being hooked to the other partner, there will come a time when this becomes an irritant that could drive a couple apart.
Question 4. Is there an external influence that could have caused the problem?
Many relationships break up because of interference from a sister, mother, or friend from the outside. The external hand can wreak havoc and destroy relationships in a subtle way.
And we may only be able to detect it when it is too late. If the relationship was important, then the external source should have been dropped, in order to save the relationship. Even royal marriages like Prince Charles and Lady Diana’s, was not without outside influence. Each of them had some amount of outside interference which took a toll on their royal marriage.
Sadly, some adverse influences often come from parents who are not able to let their grown children establish their own relationships. If you are someone who cries on an outsider’s shoulder, you may be one who is influenced from the outside. Do take this time-out to cut the cord and develop your own strength, otherwise you may have the same problem in your next relationship.
Question 5. Is there any other blind spot that you have not noticed?
After all is said and done, we understand that everything happens for a reason. Since this is a blind spot for us, we may need some outside help to unravel the mystery. Please do ask for feedback. One of the nice facts of life is that most people who are asked for advice feel elated that we have considered them worthy of giving us advice. Do choose the right person to do the honors. Having more than one source of advice is a safe way to approach the issue. If there are varying viewpoints, an additional opinion will surely be able to clear your doubts. Even the corporate world employs a 360 degree evaluation to great effect. We should be strong enough to take feedback, and use this to build ourselves.
After all, we are not only social animals that want to grow and evolve, but we are also evolving creatures that have to be stronger, and work smarter if we want to evolve mentally and emotionally as well.